Never Not Invisible

Call me invisible.

Yes, go ahead and say it to my face. And sure you can laugh about how difficult it is for me to "put myself out there" or make a funny comment. 

I wish I could laugh too and pretend that my feelings weren't hurt at all, but that's not true. 

I become rather vulnerable when it comes to socialising and knowing that's not my greatest trait I will feel hurt when someone mocks my weakness. Of course, you may say I'm sensitive. And maybe I am But that's just me.

Also, I don't do funny comments or goofy faces or hilarious jokes or instantly become friends with someone over the mutual love for Game Of Thrones. 

I don't belong in any category, really. If that's how we like to be called these days. We all belong to one, inadvertently. It's either the group of girls who gossip about every possible reality show and unsurprisingly are living in one themselves, or the gaming group, or the gym buds, or even the group who's up for crazy ideas every minute of the day. I don't belong anywhere. And trying to fit in to any one of those is tough. I have a fair amount of knowledge on Keeping Up with The Kardashians but I don't fancy talking about them. I enjoy watching movies and reading novels but I haven't read everything in this world. I like being around fun-loving, positive, goofy people, but I will never be as crazy as they are. I just wasn't born for it. 

I know myself in and out and I have to admit, I'm nothing but a people-pleaser. I will do anything to impress those around me. In fact, I can't remember a time where I didn't feel the need to do something extraordinary to prove my worth. Even the best of me will never be enough to cover up the fact that I have always been and will be, that person who's boring and invisible. 

Just be yourself, they say. 

Well, this IS me. I'm not full of fun facts, neither am I in the slightest bit creative. I'm not skilled in anything. All I know is to sit behind a laptop and type, hoping someone out there can hear my non-existent voice.

Now that you've seen all of me, will you still hang around and be my friend or are you going to be like everyone else who knew me for a second and pretended we never met? I am myself, aren't I? 

But no, deep down I know, this isn't who I am. Who I am is greater than what I choose to show. It's just a pity that no one stays long enough to see the real me. 

One day, my voice will be bold enough that you can't ignore me. One day, you're gonna wish you knew me as a friend rather than a bare acquaintance. One day, you'll see me and you're gonna think to yourself "How the hell did I miss that?"

K.W