I know I tend to say this a lot, but only because I feel this way. And no one can tell me if I'm right or wrong to be feeling inferior. It's nearly impossible to find someone who can understand how tough it is to gain self-confidence when I am a true blue Asian with no A levels qualification or any substantial Literature knowledge to attempt at an English degree. Some may say I'm brave or courageous to have done this, and on my good days, I do feel like it's an achievement but otherwise, I often think it's an abrupt and foolish decision made with no prior consideration.
Having said that, it gives me a clearer reason to study and work harder. After all, I called the shots and if there's anyone to blame now, it would be me but really, what's the use of that when I'm here at the expense of my parents?
Almost everyone I've met told me that university was going to be the best three years of your life and it will fly past unbelievably quick and I have to agree with the latter. Seriously, October felt like ten minutes and Christmas decorations are already out EVERYWHERE.
Am I having the best time ever? Not so far. I have been going out recently and attempting to socialise or whatever but I have not found my own friends yet which sucks big time.
No one likes being the person who tags along with everyone else and sadly that is what I am now. I seem to be really quiet for some reason and I don't like it at all. I miss the me who won't shut up and can literally go on forever about the most random things. It's not that I don't want to talk, I just tend to feel bored, like everyone's topic of interest just doesn't interest me at all.
Besides, most people spend their time out in clubs partying and getting drunk which isn't something I can judge them for because it is indeed the British culture and it's good exposure for me anyway, I'm still trying to figure out if I enjoy it at all though. I don't really like the idea of relying on alcohol to have a good time, the thought of waking up the next day hungover and not remembering anything doesn't seem appealing to me in any way. I miss going out and having a laugh with my good friends and just really soaking up each other's energy and company. That is my definition of "having a good time".
You can call me square because that is how much of a loser I am but there's no shame to it.
However, I did go out on Halloween dressed as Beyonce and I was #Flawless. Alright maybe not, but channeling my inner Queen B to heavy metal music is not easy and I danced a lot anyway (yay) even though I barely knew any of the songs they were playing. Really can't help that I enjoy mainstream music more.
While I was walking around Manchester like a tomato head from the tiny sips of alcohol I drank, the whole night in general was good fun.
That pretty much sums up my uneventful October and here's to a better month filled with tons of reading and assignments to complete.
Pumped!
Love,
K.W
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