This post is rather belated considering my first year ended on the 20th and it's the 30th today but anyway let's get on with it.
I can't properly articulate my emotions right now because I am literally still in denial that the first year of university has ended just like that. For some reason, I have never felt this "shock" with college or secondary school, but for university, it's an interesting revelation. On one hand, I'm glad it's over because here's to the three months of summer that I can do nothing with, but on the other hand, it means two more years of university and I'll be forced out of education and into the adult world. While two years is still a lot of time, that thought of finishing education for good still sits at the back of my mind and from time to time it's quite scary to think about.
This past year has opened my eyes to a lot of things. First of all, I never realised how uncertain I was with myself. Growing up, I have always been very clear about what I wanted, including my career, my dream car, even my dream apartment. I pretty much had everything mapped out and all I needed was money so I could go ahead and pursue them. Even when I faced difficulties in the past, I would cry about it for an hour or so and get on with Plan B. I was very certain with everything. Now, I just don't know anymore. In the past year of living independently, I have cried a lot and I have also pondered a lot. If anything, in the past year, I have doubted myself the most.
If you knew me before, you would know that I don't doubt myself, ever. I am the kind of person who knows what I'm good at and I go at it confidently and ambitiously. So this uncertainty I feel comes as a surprise and to be honest, I absolutely hate feeling incompetent. But in my case, it's so difficult to be confident in what I do.
To begin with, I am in a Creative Writing course for goodness sake. The me last year would never have pictured this, not even in a million years. And what's worse, being in an English course, my future prospects are either teaching or a best-selling novelist, there is literally no in-between. Teaching is a future I want to avoid and a novelist? Are you kidding me? I'm no Stephen King for crying out loud, where in this future do I stand? Do you see why I am constantly worried? In a course of about a hundred people, I am the only Asian and that puts me at a great disadvantage already. Among those hundred people, we all want the same thing but how many out of all of us will eventually become the greatest TV writer ever? I know for sure the possibility of that being me is tiny because miracles don't happen to me. For my whole life, I have only depended on hard work because talent is not something I possess. With that being said, hard work can only carry you far in life to a certain extent. There are thousands of people out there who write their butts off and still don't get noticed. This is ultimately my biggest fear. Unlike engineers and doctors, a career in writing is completely undecided.
If I'm honest, I have been living everyday questioning my purpose and praying like nobody's business that one day all this hard work will pay off. As I've said before, not living the life I imagine is going to be my biggest disappointment and it's something I will never forgive myself for.
As human beings, I feel like we are hard-wired to dwell on the worst case scenario even when the odds are probably in our favour. At this point, the chances of succeeding is bleak but there's a part of me that still wants to believe it's possible. My teacher used to say that taking a leap of faith means believing in something completely intangible. Being passionate means pouring your heart and soul into something while fully acknowledging the worst case scenario. I'd like to think that this is what I'm doing. At the end of the day, if I do become a teacher, I'd like to say that I tried my best pursuing the career of my dreams. After all, a one percent chance is still a higher probability than a zero percent and gambling on that one chance is going to be worth it if I'm willing to bet on myself.
That is my only comfort when I'm upset and when my pillars of support are on the other side of the planet. Living away from my family is, without a doubt, difficult, but it taught me how to stand on my own two feet. I guess in its own way, it's rewarding. But yea, if I could sum up first year in a word, it would be rewarding. Everything that I have learnt in university, from scriptwriting to using theories like feminism and marxism etc, it's been one hell of a school year.
Here's to three months of summer and two more years of assignments and exams. Yay.
Love,
Kimmy
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Saturday, 9 May 2015
LOVE MORE, PEOPLE.
Ten minutes ago, I read an article on Thought Catalog about how, as people, we need to be more caring. And I absolutely loved the piece because I agree a 1000%.
I don't know how long this has been happening but I realised it became a trend to be mean to people, to see yourself as more superior than others because it makes you feel cool. When did society become a competition to see who's cooler? Huh? We don't need to live in anxiety that if we're not deemed cool enough, we will be considered outcasts. We don't need that kind of shit in our lives. That's nonsense. And when did caring less become the new "cool" thing to do ? It's stupid. Being mean may have been cool when you were twelve and you idolised Sharpay Evans. But when you're almost twenty and entering adulthood? No. Being rude to people is just not nice and generally unappreciated so please cut the crap. Just be the person who cares more. Just be that and your life will infinitely be better.
I know in relationships the one who cares more will always have the hardest time moving on and out of fear of heartbreak, people decide to shut themselves away from feelings. (Guilty as charged lol) but I've always told my friends who were/ going to be in relationships that it's fine to care more. It shows you have a heart that feels and I don't see anything wrong with that. I know girls who don't text guys because they don't want to seem clingy. Here's a solution, do it anyway. Be clingy because you know what, fuck what other people think. For all you know, the guy probably likes that you text often, because it shows that you care and WE ALL LIKE TO BE CARED ABOUT DON'T WE?
Text them anyway. Part of what makes being alive so exciting is the ability to feel the full spectrum of human emotions; from the dark pits of sorrow to happiness that literally makes you feel like flying over the moon. Feel it anyway. Be in touch with your emotions. Being able to express how you feel is NOT a sign of weakness and it certainly shows bravery. I used to shut myself away from people and bottled up pretty much all my feelings to protect my pride and ego. And to only realise now that it was extremely foolish of me. If anything, life was duller and more disheartening.
Learn to let go and be honest with life. If you're upset, go cry and eat ice-cream. Whatever. If you're happy, say so and embrace the moment. Take a selfie for all I care. If you're angry with someone, tell them and go grab ice-cream afterwards. If you're starting to like someone, tell them anyway and you can plan future ice-cream dates. Be bold enough to be the first one to reach out. Don't wait. Don't ever EVER sit around and wait for things to happen to you. Because when it doesn't, you will complain about how much life sucks. Life doesn't suck if you know how to live it properly.
Don't wait for your friends to text you first because you don't wanna look desperate texting first. Honestly, just be kind and open. Be excited about everything, every little thing even, no matter how irrelevant they are. Take every opportunity to be happy, as often as you can. Laugh at everything and with everyone. Have a hella good time with your buddies. Stop hating people and love more. Stop gossiping and just shut the fuck up unless you have nice things to say about other people.
You are capable of being kind and nice. So drop that bitchy attitude and smile for once. Fuck what people think. Stop caring less to protect your pride.
Care more, love more, and live more.
Love,
Kimmy x
Sunday, 3 May 2015
The Real Deal with Studying Abroad
Whenever I used to mention to people that I'm going abroad for university, everyone would react the same way. They were all very envious.
Now although there are things to be jealous about like the experience of a whole new culture, the prestige of going to an overseas university etc, but let me put it straight to you that everything is not as glamorous as it seems.
Just before I go on, I would like to mention that I am eternally grateful for this opportunity and all the other opportunities I've had in my life thanks to my wonderful parents so please don't get the wrong idea that I am an ungrateful person.
1) It is literally a whole new world.
Before I came here, I was always very proud of what I know. In terms of general knowledge, I would say that I know more than most people do. I have a British father who has travelled to more than a hundred countries, and I learnt things based on the stories he told me. So I thought adapting to life in the UK was going to be a piece of cake. WRONG. It was just as terrifying.
This is what going abroad teaches you, that no matter how prepared you think you are, (based on what you know from stories and movies etc) you will never be prepared enough. It literally feels like someone threw me into the middle of the ocean with nothing to help me stay afloat.
And you'd be surprised at how even the tiniest of things can fascinate you. Like for example, people wearing shorts with tights. I have lived on the equator and tights are only worn by crazy corporate women along with their stiletto heels and not as a day-to-day clothing. Crazy right? Well for me, at least, this was shocking.
I can go on about the differences but that's not the point. The point is that, studying abroad is nothing similar to going to a country on vacation. It is an entirely different world that you get to experience first hand and believe me, there's a lot more going on behind what you see from pictures in travel magazines.
2) Adapting - making the 'new' become 'normal'
I remember the panic I felt on the day that I landed because I noticed that the road signs were all written in miles instead of kilometres, which I wasn't used to. And I remember being so scared because it was the first instant where I felt thrown out of my comfort zone. And if you're planning on going abroad, that is how you're going to be feeling for at least the first three months. Unless you have been moving to different countries your whole life, I can't imagine culture shock being any easier to get over.
The fear you feel initially will disappear over time because you'll wake up one day and realise that the view is the same and it's boring because it's now the new normal.
3) Money problems
Despite saying that, some things will always remain as a shock. Like when I convert all the money I spend into Malaysian Ringgit. It's like a mini heart attack whenever I look at my tuition fees. As if it's not scary enough to see it in pounds, and then I have to multiply it by five and BAM mini heart-attack.
That is how I feel about EVERYTHING I spend my money on. It's like when I buy a bag from Primark that's £10 and my mind just thinks 'meh it's not too bad. Quite worth the money if you ask me' and my conscience basically screams "FIFTY RINGGIT FOR A TINY BAG. KIMBERLY SARAH WALKER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BLOODY MIND?!!!"
£12 for Nandos though? YES PLEASE.
That sums up my student life.
Sorry, I digressed.
But when people call me a cheapskate or say that I don't 'treat myself' enough, it's not that, it's because I have an enormous sense of guilt.
Let's be honest here, to be able to afford the life of an international student, your parents have to be considerably rich. I am not boasting, these are the facts. But so what? I can speak for all the international students out there, that are NOT spoilt brats I might add, that no matter how financially stable our families are, it doesn't take away the guilt that we're spending their hard-earned money trying to seek an education that they themselves have never experienced. (My parents didn't go to uni)
Studying abroad is truly a privilege. And it also means your attendance has to be 100%, you kinda have to ace everything (talking 70s and above here) and try to live as poorly as you can. The word "SALE" will be your new favourite word.
No pressure.
4) Long-distance friendship
I think I've written a post about how difficult maintaining a long-distance friendship is before, but I'll do it again because in my opinion, this is honestly the toughest part with studying abroad.
When you meet a friend or friends that you instantly have a connection with, you would obviously want that connection to last as long as possible. So we make promises. Like how we're going to be best friends forever and ever and ever and who's going to be the bridesmaids at who's wedding. Stuff like that.
I'm not saying going abroad is breaking those promises but I'm here to tell you, it's very difficult holding on to them.
Because distance really does play a part in how friendships unfold eventually. Yes, you may say that you'll stay in touch using Skype and Whatsapp but it's not the same. With the pressure of assignments, not to mention timezones getting in the way, it's really hard to keep up with each other.
My best friend from secondary school only texts me once a month. Sometimes we go on months without speaking to each other, I haven't seen her in one and a half years now, or perhaps more, but who's counting? See, that's the thing, you get so tired of keeping up that you eventually stop counting. (We've known each other for six years now, at least we're still counting that hehe)
When I'm upset or I just need someone to talk to, my first instinct is to go to my best friend. I would call them and if it was back home, we would probably meet up and cry over a tub of ice cream. But being abroad, you can't do any of that. Sometimes all you really need is a hug but you find yourself desperate and alone, and it's just the worst feeling ever.
And there are days where I just want to have a good rant about something but my friends can't reply because they're asleep. It isn't their fault at all but it just is very frustrating to have no one to listen to you.
Not being there for someone physically changes a lot of things. My best friends, for example, were not the same person they were before. And just to be clear, it is NOT a bad thing. Change is inevitable, and it happens to all of us. Humans need to change, we need to move on and progress. I've been told that I have changed drastically ever since I came here so it's fine. It's the fact that I was not there to witness my friends change and be a part of what made them the better person they are today that is upsetting. My friends just celebrated their 20th birthday last month and I wanted so badly to be there with them but it's impossible. It's scary to think that this is going to be the new normal, that not being with each other on special occasions is a common thing, whereas before the possibility of this was unimaginable.
Sometimes, actually most of the time, being abroad will make you feel left out on a lot of things. And no one likes feeling excluded, but it's just one of those situations where you have to tell yourself to suck it up.
5) Homesickness
I have this terrible luck that before every lunch or dinner, I will stumble across food posts from Buzzfeed describing in detail how great it is to live and eat in Asia. For me, personally, homesickness only ever occurs because I miss home food (hahaha sorry parents)
No but in all seriousness, food is the main problem. I love Indian food with a passion. Anyone who knows me knows that I will swallow spicy hot curry even if it burns me. And indian food here, doesn't meet my expectations. I'm not complaining at all, these are, once again, facts.
Asian food that is outside of Asia will never taste as good or even similar to the ones you get back home and you have to live with it. Truth is, there is no cure to homesickness. You just have to sit tight and let it wash over you. My way of dealing with it is attempting to cook an Asian dish myself. Ten out of ten times, I have failed miserably.
Because I'm Malaysian, I obviously love Milo. In fact, I think I eat Milo more than I actually drink it. (No shame at all) But because it's scarce and expensive, I only have it when I'm really really homesick. Recently, I tried to cook soupy noodles like the ones my mom make but it turned out all mushy and ew.
(what a great description coming from an English student - ew. 'The noodles looked unappetising')
6) Living Independently
This coming June, I'll be moving out of my student accommodation and moving in to my new apartment. Sounds glamorous, doesn't it? Well, no. There are a long list of things I have to do before moving like listing and getting furniture, comparing prices, inspecting the place for any damages, sort out rent prices and it doesn't end there. After I move in, I have to deal with paying for the bills myself. See, it's a lot of work. And keep in mind, I'm only eighteen and trying to navigate my way around all these issues in a completely foreign country is a big big challenge.
On the other hand, it's exciting too. Because I get to decorate and do whatever I want with the apartment and even though I don't enjoy this grown-up life, I'm looking forward to having my own place. There's so many things to figure out like where and how do I pay my bills, and how do I get a TV license and more importantly, how do I set up the Wifi??! (first world problems) But I have realised the longer I live here, that all these are minor issues and with the help of the internet and friendly people, I'll be able to figure these problems out in no time.
This is what living independently is all about. Taking one step at a time to face these problems head on. And you'll realise that after every challenge you conquer, you start to feel less afraid and more daring to do things.
I went for my first job interview in the UK last week and it turned out so well that I no longer feel inferior to white people like I used to. I went to the post office the other day and I successfully sent a parcel to my friend (YAY) and I was overjoyed after that. See, it's the little things that guide you along the way.
Most people give me looks of pity when I tell them that I'm not allowed to go home in the summer. My mom's argument was that there is no point to living independently abroad if I'm going to take every opportunity to come home. And I totally agree with her. I'll get a job in the summer and earn my own money. I don't know how yet but I'm getting there.
The important thing is to remember that no one has it all figured out at this age and that you're never alone. Studying abroad terrifies the living shit out of a lot of people, myself included, but with help and guidance along the way, you'll find yourself surrounded with good people that are helping you build a ship to stay afloat in this wide ocean of adulthood.
Love,
Kimmy x
P.S I'm looking for a flatmate in my new place. If you have nowhere to live next year, please drop me a message and we can meet up and be friends.
Now although there are things to be jealous about like the experience of a whole new culture, the prestige of going to an overseas university etc, but let me put it straight to you that everything is not as glamorous as it seems.
Just before I go on, I would like to mention that I am eternally grateful for this opportunity and all the other opportunities I've had in my life thanks to my wonderful parents so please don't get the wrong idea that I am an ungrateful person.
1) It is literally a whole new world.
Before I came here, I was always very proud of what I know. In terms of general knowledge, I would say that I know more than most people do. I have a British father who has travelled to more than a hundred countries, and I learnt things based on the stories he told me. So I thought adapting to life in the UK was going to be a piece of cake. WRONG. It was just as terrifying.
This is what going abroad teaches you, that no matter how prepared you think you are, (based on what you know from stories and movies etc) you will never be prepared enough. It literally feels like someone threw me into the middle of the ocean with nothing to help me stay afloat.
And you'd be surprised at how even the tiniest of things can fascinate you. Like for example, people wearing shorts with tights. I have lived on the equator and tights are only worn by crazy corporate women along with their stiletto heels and not as a day-to-day clothing. Crazy right? Well for me, at least, this was shocking.
I can go on about the differences but that's not the point. The point is that, studying abroad is nothing similar to going to a country on vacation. It is an entirely different world that you get to experience first hand and believe me, there's a lot more going on behind what you see from pictures in travel magazines.
2) Adapting - making the 'new' become 'normal'
I remember the panic I felt on the day that I landed because I noticed that the road signs were all written in miles instead of kilometres, which I wasn't used to. And I remember being so scared because it was the first instant where I felt thrown out of my comfort zone. And if you're planning on going abroad, that is how you're going to be feeling for at least the first three months. Unless you have been moving to different countries your whole life, I can't imagine culture shock being any easier to get over.
The first three months I was here, everything felt temporary. It was as if I was set on a vacation for three years or something. My flat felt like a hotel, and the view I saw everyday surprised me. There were times when I was on the bus, staring in awe at Manchester's architecture that I have to tell myself to snap out of it. I will be looking at the Piccadilly wheel for the next three years of my life, why am I acting like this is a holiday???
When my friends were starting to refer to Manchester as their 'home', I was still very reluctant to believe that this is my home. It's been nine months now and I am not entirely convinced that this is going to be my home for good. Although that is the case, I think it's safe to say that I don't feel as scared anymore.
The fear you feel initially will disappear over time because you'll wake up one day and realise that the view is the same and it's boring because it's now the new normal.
3) Money problems
Despite saying that, some things will always remain as a shock. Like when I convert all the money I spend into Malaysian Ringgit. It's like a mini heart attack whenever I look at my tuition fees. As if it's not scary enough to see it in pounds, and then I have to multiply it by five and BAM mini heart-attack.
That is how I feel about EVERYTHING I spend my money on. It's like when I buy a bag from Primark that's £10 and my mind just thinks 'meh it's not too bad. Quite worth the money if you ask me' and my conscience basically screams "FIFTY RINGGIT FOR A TINY BAG. KIMBERLY SARAH WALKER ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BLOODY MIND?!!!"
£12 for Nandos though? YES PLEASE.
That sums up my student life.
Sorry, I digressed.
But when people call me a cheapskate or say that I don't 'treat myself' enough, it's not that, it's because I have an enormous sense of guilt.
Let's be honest here, to be able to afford the life of an international student, your parents have to be considerably rich. I am not boasting, these are the facts. But so what? I can speak for all the international students out there, that are NOT spoilt brats I might add, that no matter how financially stable our families are, it doesn't take away the guilt that we're spending their hard-earned money trying to seek an education that they themselves have never experienced. (My parents didn't go to uni)
Studying abroad is truly a privilege. And it also means your attendance has to be 100%, you kinda have to ace everything (talking 70s and above here) and try to live as poorly as you can. The word "SALE" will be your new favourite word.
No pressure.
4) Long-distance friendship
I think I've written a post about how difficult maintaining a long-distance friendship is before, but I'll do it again because in my opinion, this is honestly the toughest part with studying abroad.
When you meet a friend or friends that you instantly have a connection with, you would obviously want that connection to last as long as possible. So we make promises. Like how we're going to be best friends forever and ever and ever and who's going to be the bridesmaids at who's wedding. Stuff like that.
I'm not saying going abroad is breaking those promises but I'm here to tell you, it's very difficult holding on to them.
Because distance really does play a part in how friendships unfold eventually. Yes, you may say that you'll stay in touch using Skype and Whatsapp but it's not the same. With the pressure of assignments, not to mention timezones getting in the way, it's really hard to keep up with each other.
My best friend from secondary school only texts me once a month. Sometimes we go on months without speaking to each other, I haven't seen her in one and a half years now, or perhaps more, but who's counting? See, that's the thing, you get so tired of keeping up that you eventually stop counting. (We've known each other for six years now, at least we're still counting that hehe)
When I'm upset or I just need someone to talk to, my first instinct is to go to my best friend. I would call them and if it was back home, we would probably meet up and cry over a tub of ice cream. But being abroad, you can't do any of that. Sometimes all you really need is a hug but you find yourself desperate and alone, and it's just the worst feeling ever.
And there are days where I just want to have a good rant about something but my friends can't reply because they're asleep. It isn't their fault at all but it just is very frustrating to have no one to listen to you.
Not being there for someone physically changes a lot of things. My best friends, for example, were not the same person they were before. And just to be clear, it is NOT a bad thing. Change is inevitable, and it happens to all of us. Humans need to change, we need to move on and progress. I've been told that I have changed drastically ever since I came here so it's fine. It's the fact that I was not there to witness my friends change and be a part of what made them the better person they are today that is upsetting. My friends just celebrated their 20th birthday last month and I wanted so badly to be there with them but it's impossible. It's scary to think that this is going to be the new normal, that not being with each other on special occasions is a common thing, whereas before the possibility of this was unimaginable.
Sometimes, actually most of the time, being abroad will make you feel left out on a lot of things. And no one likes feeling excluded, but it's just one of those situations where you have to tell yourself to suck it up.
5) Homesickness
I have this terrible luck that before every lunch or dinner, I will stumble across food posts from Buzzfeed describing in detail how great it is to live and eat in Asia. For me, personally, homesickness only ever occurs because I miss home food (hahaha sorry parents)
No but in all seriousness, food is the main problem. I love Indian food with a passion. Anyone who knows me knows that I will swallow spicy hot curry even if it burns me. And indian food here, doesn't meet my expectations. I'm not complaining at all, these are, once again, facts.
Asian food that is outside of Asia will never taste as good or even similar to the ones you get back home and you have to live with it. Truth is, there is no cure to homesickness. You just have to sit tight and let it wash over you. My way of dealing with it is attempting to cook an Asian dish myself. Ten out of ten times, I have failed miserably.
Because I'm Malaysian, I obviously love Milo. In fact, I think I eat Milo more than I actually drink it. (No shame at all) But because it's scarce and expensive, I only have it when I'm really really homesick. Recently, I tried to cook soupy noodles like the ones my mom make but it turned out all mushy and ew.
(what a great description coming from an English student - ew. 'The noodles looked unappetising')
6) Living Independently
This coming June, I'll be moving out of my student accommodation and moving in to my new apartment. Sounds glamorous, doesn't it? Well, no. There are a long list of things I have to do before moving like listing and getting furniture, comparing prices, inspecting the place for any damages, sort out rent prices and it doesn't end there. After I move in, I have to deal with paying for the bills myself. See, it's a lot of work. And keep in mind, I'm only eighteen and trying to navigate my way around all these issues in a completely foreign country is a big big challenge.
On the other hand, it's exciting too. Because I get to decorate and do whatever I want with the apartment and even though I don't enjoy this grown-up life, I'm looking forward to having my own place. There's so many things to figure out like where and how do I pay my bills, and how do I get a TV license and more importantly, how do I set up the Wifi??! (first world problems) But I have realised the longer I live here, that all these are minor issues and with the help of the internet and friendly people, I'll be able to figure these problems out in no time.
This is what living independently is all about. Taking one step at a time to face these problems head on. And you'll realise that after every challenge you conquer, you start to feel less afraid and more daring to do things.
I went for my first job interview in the UK last week and it turned out so well that I no longer feel inferior to white people like I used to. I went to the post office the other day and I successfully sent a parcel to my friend (YAY) and I was overjoyed after that. See, it's the little things that guide you along the way.
Most people give me looks of pity when I tell them that I'm not allowed to go home in the summer. My mom's argument was that there is no point to living independently abroad if I'm going to take every opportunity to come home. And I totally agree with her. I'll get a job in the summer and earn my own money. I don't know how yet but I'm getting there.
The important thing is to remember that no one has it all figured out at this age and that you're never alone. Studying abroad terrifies the living shit out of a lot of people, myself included, but with help and guidance along the way, you'll find yourself surrounded with good people that are helping you build a ship to stay afloat in this wide ocean of adulthood.
Love,
Kimmy x
P.S I'm looking for a flatmate in my new place. If you have nowhere to live next year, please drop me a message and we can meet up and be friends.
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
New Beginnings Part 3 : Giving Up & Starting Again
I have not been blogging for two and a half months now. If you ask me, the reason I will tell you is because I have ran out of things to talk about. However that is a lie. I never run out of things to say, let alone write. The actual reason was because I have stopped believing in my own ability to craft something worth reading. I started this blog with the intention of touching people's lives with words, just as those who did with mine. As university and slight depression got in the way, I began feeling useless and unmotivated to do anything. I would open a new blog post, get ready to type away but find myself stopping three sentences later. Then I gave up. But for the sake of not giving up, I will try to come up with something worthy of your time now.
Recently, I had a brief meltdown regarding my life choices. I burst into tears one night for no reason or for all the reasons even I don't understand. It didn't help that I had Beyonce's old albums playing in the background. But it dawned on me that maybe writing is not meant for me. I mean I have always enjoyed writing as a hobby but it was starting to feel like one of those things that no matter how hard I try, it just was not working out. What used to be enjoyable was stirring unnecessary anxiety and self-doubt within me. I could stare at a blank page for hours and with every sentence I write, I erase. To add fuel to the fire, my social life was going downhill as well. I seemed to have lost all my self-confidence and become increasingly self-conscious too, which is very unlike me. I guess it was due to culture shock and the pessimistic attitude that came along with it. Maybe I was having a hard time adjusting to my new 'normal'. I don't really know. I was just very unhappy with the way my life turned out at that very moment. I tried re-evaluating my purpose in this course and what I was hoping to achieve after this but I found myself with no answer at all. And so like any other emotional teenage girl, I cried and cried. The next morning I woke up to a puffy-eyed figure staring back at me in the mirror and could not recognise her at all. I felt utterly hopeless and like a failure of some sorts.
Given my strict upbringing and personal values, disappointment and failure are both very difficult for me to accept. I guess what made me cry the most was the fact that I have managed to let myself down. When I moved here, I told myself that I had to have a good time, that I cannot waste another minute being unhappy and ungrateful, that I must see this new life as an adventure instead of a burden. I have disappointed myself and that, to me, was one big failure. Maybe I set too high expectations and that is why disappointment hurts but in my defence, I don't see the problem with having expectations. Personally, I would rather cry over disappointment than to sit around all day aimless.
Almost everyday I question myself if this is all worth it, and the thought of me not living my dream life disappoints me greatly which is why I try my best to make sure things go according to plan. I guess my main problem is that I seek to control everything, especially my future. Won't life be a lot easier if we were all given a map that directed us in the right direction? Because I certainly would like to know if I am doing something correctly. But I've learnt that there are some things that I have to let go. I adopted the belief that above all else hard work is the only thing that matters in life. While it may be true to an extent, sometimes luck and hard work go hand-in-hand. You have to be at the right place and the right time for the right things to happen to you, even if it means making the wrong decisions beforehand. Victoria Beckham once said, "Free will leads you to your destiny." As much as I wholeheartedly agree, it does makes me wonder of the possibilities of a different destiny, maybe one that I can control. The obvious answer is to change what you do and walk the path that leads you to the destiny you want. My goals in life are clear, but the problem is that my path is still blurry. One wrong step can take me to an entirely different destination and that is what I'm most afraid of. It was probably the main reason I cried so hard that night. Because I don't want to end up at the wrong destination, because I don't want to live a life I come to hate, and I no longer want to be unhappy every single moment of my life. I want to end up exactly where I pictured myself when I was five and I want to love the job I have and most importantly, be passionate about living it to the fullest.
See, there it is. The need to control everything.
Thankfully, I read a piece of advice recently and it said that it's never too late to start again. Funny how such simple advice can pretty much solve all my problems. Perhaps the majority of us see new beginnings as something of a waste of time. To backtrack and start again? No thank you. To walk on another path with failure lingering at the back of your mind and still keep going? How many of us could actually do that? Starting again means taking a leap of faith, and wandering into unknown territories. The thought of that is scary but then again, anything that is beyond our control will always seem scary. And I guess that is what we are all trying to avoid, starting again. We don't want to see our efforts amount to nothing, but if it does, it's okay to turn over a new leaf and try something else. To do that takes strength and courage. I guess I must have forgotten that along the way and stopped believing in my own hard work.
And even if you're standing on the wrong path, so what? Mistakes can lead you to even better things that you never could have imagined. And if it doesn't, pick yourself up and try again. You can always try again. No one will punish you for trying too many times. In fact, it is when you don't try that you will never forgive yourself for.
With love,
Kimmy x
Recently, I had a brief meltdown regarding my life choices. I burst into tears one night for no reason or for all the reasons even I don't understand. It didn't help that I had Beyonce's old albums playing in the background. But it dawned on me that maybe writing is not meant for me. I mean I have always enjoyed writing as a hobby but it was starting to feel like one of those things that no matter how hard I try, it just was not working out. What used to be enjoyable was stirring unnecessary anxiety and self-doubt within me. I could stare at a blank page for hours and with every sentence I write, I erase. To add fuel to the fire, my social life was going downhill as well. I seemed to have lost all my self-confidence and become increasingly self-conscious too, which is very unlike me. I guess it was due to culture shock and the pessimistic attitude that came along with it. Maybe I was having a hard time adjusting to my new 'normal'. I don't really know. I was just very unhappy with the way my life turned out at that very moment. I tried re-evaluating my purpose in this course and what I was hoping to achieve after this but I found myself with no answer at all. And so like any other emotional teenage girl, I cried and cried. The next morning I woke up to a puffy-eyed figure staring back at me in the mirror and could not recognise her at all. I felt utterly hopeless and like a failure of some sorts.
Given my strict upbringing and personal values, disappointment and failure are both very difficult for me to accept. I guess what made me cry the most was the fact that I have managed to let myself down. When I moved here, I told myself that I had to have a good time, that I cannot waste another minute being unhappy and ungrateful, that I must see this new life as an adventure instead of a burden. I have disappointed myself and that, to me, was one big failure. Maybe I set too high expectations and that is why disappointment hurts but in my defence, I don't see the problem with having expectations. Personally, I would rather cry over disappointment than to sit around all day aimless.
Almost everyday I question myself if this is all worth it, and the thought of me not living my dream life disappoints me greatly which is why I try my best to make sure things go according to plan. I guess my main problem is that I seek to control everything, especially my future. Won't life be a lot easier if we were all given a map that directed us in the right direction? Because I certainly would like to know if I am doing something correctly. But I've learnt that there are some things that I have to let go. I adopted the belief that above all else hard work is the only thing that matters in life. While it may be true to an extent, sometimes luck and hard work go hand-in-hand. You have to be at the right place and the right time for the right things to happen to you, even if it means making the wrong decisions beforehand. Victoria Beckham once said, "Free will leads you to your destiny." As much as I wholeheartedly agree, it does makes me wonder of the possibilities of a different destiny, maybe one that I can control. The obvious answer is to change what you do and walk the path that leads you to the destiny you want. My goals in life are clear, but the problem is that my path is still blurry. One wrong step can take me to an entirely different destination and that is what I'm most afraid of. It was probably the main reason I cried so hard that night. Because I don't want to end up at the wrong destination, because I don't want to live a life I come to hate, and I no longer want to be unhappy every single moment of my life. I want to end up exactly where I pictured myself when I was five and I want to love the job I have and most importantly, be passionate about living it to the fullest.
See, there it is. The need to control everything.
Thankfully, I read a piece of advice recently and it said that it's never too late to start again. Funny how such simple advice can pretty much solve all my problems. Perhaps the majority of us see new beginnings as something of a waste of time. To backtrack and start again? No thank you. To walk on another path with failure lingering at the back of your mind and still keep going? How many of us could actually do that? Starting again means taking a leap of faith, and wandering into unknown territories. The thought of that is scary but then again, anything that is beyond our control will always seem scary. And I guess that is what we are all trying to avoid, starting again. We don't want to see our efforts amount to nothing, but if it does, it's okay to turn over a new leaf and try something else. To do that takes strength and courage. I guess I must have forgotten that along the way and stopped believing in my own hard work.
And even if you're standing on the wrong path, so what? Mistakes can lead you to even better things that you never could have imagined. And if it doesn't, pick yourself up and try again. You can always try again. No one will punish you for trying too many times. In fact, it is when you don't try that you will never forgive yourself for.
With love,
Kimmy x
Thursday, 15 January 2015
How It Feels To Be Just An Average Looking Person
Knowing me, I'm the kind of girl who hashtags #Flawless on her own pictures because I personally agree that most of the time, I am pretty damn flawless. So it's a fact that I don't always put myself down but there are days where I can't help it. We all go through these ups and downs anyway so here goes.
As I was browsing through my Instagram photos, I realised I still look the same three years ago. Most of my friends became prettier, fitter or had a better fashion sense and then there's me, who still hasn't dropped the glasses, still not fat but not skinny either and I still wear the same clothes from three years ago. Pretty much everyone I knew upgraded or improved, except me.
There was this guy I used to fancy many years ago and as I was going through his profile, I found out that he has a girlfriend now and I was completely fine with it. It wasn't until I realised how pretty his girlfriend was did it make me understand why he would have picked anyone else over me.
I'm a mess, aesthetically. I never bothered with make-up and my skin is terrible (not my choice, its hereditary). I used to think being make-up free made people feel more liberated and carefree but apparently not. We live in a society so superficial that showing what you really look like is beginning to feel unacceptable. And what does this say about us? 12-year olds are starting to look like 18-year olds because society gives them no room to learn that looks aren't everything. I was convinced that that was true until now.
Let's face it, looks ARE everything, aren't they? If you don't have the looks, your self-confidence immediately plunges into self-doubt, and then what are the chances at a better social/ love life? We often say that if someone has got a pretty face with a shit personality, then his or her looks don't matter anymore. Well, aren't we just lying to ourselves? Because even with a crap personality, a smoking hot boyfriend/girlfriend makes you look good and nowadays we are all about that #RelationshipGoals. And you know you will date this shit personality with the appealing face until you are convinced and fed up that you break up with them and move on to the next shit personality. We'll never learn because all we care about is what looks good on our Instagrams. All we want to hear is how envious people are of our lives. All we want to know is how many (insert emoji with heart-shaped eyes) we are.
It's completely fine to seek attention because that generates self-love. It's also kind of ridiculous if we're at that stage where we have to depend on other people for self-love. Because it creates an expectation for those people with an amazing personality and an average look. Because it makes people like me, think that we are not doing enough to gain attention, that we're constantly invisible or we're just completely unworthy of any self-love, or love at all. It makes us feel like there's nothing beautiful enough to love in ourselves. Because no matter how striking our personalities are, they are not written on our faces. And since it takes time to know someone and unlock that remarkable personality, we can't be bothered anymore. In this day and age, who's got the time for human interaction when we're always on Instagram double-tapping anything that's pleasing to the eye?
Love,
K.W
As I was browsing through my Instagram photos, I realised I still look the same three years ago. Most of my friends became prettier, fitter or had a better fashion sense and then there's me, who still hasn't dropped the glasses, still not fat but not skinny either and I still wear the same clothes from three years ago. Pretty much everyone I knew upgraded or improved, except me.
There was this guy I used to fancy many years ago and as I was going through his profile, I found out that he has a girlfriend now and I was completely fine with it. It wasn't until I realised how pretty his girlfriend was did it make me understand why he would have picked anyone else over me.
I'm a mess, aesthetically. I never bothered with make-up and my skin is terrible (not my choice, its hereditary). I used to think being make-up free made people feel more liberated and carefree but apparently not. We live in a society so superficial that showing what you really look like is beginning to feel unacceptable. And what does this say about us? 12-year olds are starting to look like 18-year olds because society gives them no room to learn that looks aren't everything. I was convinced that that was true until now.
Let's face it, looks ARE everything, aren't they? If you don't have the looks, your self-confidence immediately plunges into self-doubt, and then what are the chances at a better social/ love life? We often say that if someone has got a pretty face with a shit personality, then his or her looks don't matter anymore. Well, aren't we just lying to ourselves? Because even with a crap personality, a smoking hot boyfriend/girlfriend makes you look good and nowadays we are all about that #RelationshipGoals. And you know you will date this shit personality with the appealing face until you are convinced and fed up that you break up with them and move on to the next shit personality. We'll never learn because all we care about is what looks good on our Instagrams. All we want to hear is how envious people are of our lives. All we want to know is how many (insert emoji with heart-shaped eyes) we are.
It's completely fine to seek attention because that generates self-love. It's also kind of ridiculous if we're at that stage where we have to depend on other people for self-love. Because it creates an expectation for those people with an amazing personality and an average look. Because it makes people like me, think that we are not doing enough to gain attention, that we're constantly invisible or we're just completely unworthy of any self-love, or love at all. It makes us feel like there's nothing beautiful enough to love in ourselves. Because no matter how striking our personalities are, they are not written on our faces. And since it takes time to know someone and unlock that remarkable personality, we can't be bothered anymore. In this day and age, who's got the time for human interaction when we're always on Instagram double-tapping anything that's pleasing to the eye?
Love,
K.W
Thursday, 8 January 2015
New Year, New Story
The last time I blogged, it was December 10th 2014. So much happened since; there was Christmas, New Years etc, yet within that time, I seemed to have nothing to write about (yes it happens)
And today is no different. I really have nothing deep or thoughtful to say. In order to kill space and time, I might as well give an account on what happened from the days leading up to Christmas and New Years.
Well let's see.
Before I left Manchester, I had a good time thinking about how I would feel to come home. Part of me was really happy that I could eat my favourite food (that is not pasta), sleep in a bedroom that could probably fit five elephants and obviously, seeing my friends and family. Woohoo what's there not to be excited about? However, the more rational side of me knew that this will and forever be temporary and that made me really sad. When I left in September, it didn't feel like I was moving out at all, but going back made me realise how I have in fact moved out. Having to tell people I live in Manchester now is one hell of a scary thing to say. I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home, ever. And when I got back, I tried really hard to avoid feeling like that. It worked, for a bit, but I'm leaving again in a couple of days, so in other words, I'll have to face reality one way or another.
Christmas. Where do I begin?
Right, so here's the thing. Every year in our family, we get loads and this is not bragging but LOADS of presents, it's like living in the North Pole with Santa, which was great up till when I was 12 then the thought of getting so many things I did not need was starting to become quite ridiculous. I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful person but sometimes I feel like there's other people out there who would appreciate having an extra watch more than I do. I get that Christmas is all about giving to people and I'm all for that. I get my closest friends and family loads of stuff and it's all great fun. But at times, when one is too generous, we tend to give expensive gifts to people who don't deserve that much of our time and money. And I felt that this year, for the first time, I was starting to ponder over who actually deserves a gift from me. I crossed out a few people from the list I initially had, sadly my budget was too small but even so.... Somehow I realised that this unfair world we live in, no matter how much you can love a person and want to shower them with gifts, they unfortunately don't love us back the same way. We have come to live in a society where love is conditional and calculative. As much as we hate to be part of this way of life, we kind of are. Learning to be selfish for ourselves and being selfish towards other people more or less go hand in hand. Sad to say so, but it is true. And to think that I need to evaluate who does and doesn't get gifts, is actually quite disappointing for a season that's all about giving.
On a brighter note, I had a great time having my friends over for Christmas dinner and a tipsy Karaoke session afterwards.
Now New Years. I won't go on about the "New Year, new me" bullshit because I don't think a person can change completely overnight. With that being said, I do believe there's room for improvement for everyone. And so it begins, the unattainable resolutions.
In the past, I have NEVER kept any of my resolutions. In my opinion, I think three quarter of the world population doesn't either. And for the quarter of you who does, good on you! I hope you lost all the weight in 2014 just so you can be fat for 2015. (no im kidding. i mean it sincerely, well done)
And the reason why we don't keep to those resolutions? Well, let's be real. We don't put any serious thought into new year resolutions. It's always recycling what we could not achieve in the last new year. And for most of us, our resolutions are so unrealistic. There was a year when I made so many resolutions, starting with "To lose weight" "Find boyfriend" and "Look smoking hot". Every single one of those was made irrationally, hence was clearly impossible. Maybe they are people out there who had the same resolutions as I did and kept to them (well done, you) but for me it was just too much to accomplish in one year.
365 days may seem like a decently long time but with all the hectic lives we're living, who actually has the time and energy to make these changes for themselves? Before you know it, we're face to face with 2016!
Therefore, this year, I only had one resolution. And that is to love more. Yeap, it's as simple as those two words but for someone like me, that's a challenge. While we were all reflecting over our mistakes in 2014, I realised I was too caught up in hatred and jealousy and as a result, pushed my own friends away. I did not lose them (thank god) but it was a close call. Before I moved to the UK, I thought that if I moved further away from home, I would be happier. It was stupid of me to think that happiness was something I had to search for when it wasn't. I'm still glad I moved to the UK though. It made me realise that the reason I was so unhappy and grumpy back home was because I was constantly hating and not loving enough. I hated the weather, hated my room, hated this and hated that. Only when I got here, I realised nothing changed, I was still hating on a lot of other things. It wasn't until one night, when I was hanging out with my roommates, laughing away and having a good time did I think to myself Hey I'm actually loving where I am right now.
Then it hit me that even back home, I had moments where I laughed and cried and cried out of laughter, but I never appreciated it, at all. I had even better company as well but I never saw it. And I felt so sorry for myself for having wasted all that time thinking only about the bad when there's so much good happening around me. (Goddammit kimmy!)
So that was how I came to this new year's resolution. In 2015, I am going to love more. I'm going to love whole-heartedly but at the same time only learn to love what deserves to be loved.
It's the 8th of January 2015 today, which means it has been almost a month since I blogged. Excuse me for the incredibly long entry but you're welcome. I'm glad I could help kill time for you too.
A little late now, but Happy New Year folks! Have an awesome 2015.
Love,
K.W
And today is no different. I really have nothing deep or thoughtful to say. In order to kill space and time, I might as well give an account on what happened from the days leading up to Christmas and New Years.
Well let's see.
Before I left Manchester, I had a good time thinking about how I would feel to come home. Part of me was really happy that I could eat my favourite food (that is not pasta), sleep in a bedroom that could probably fit five elephants and obviously, seeing my friends and family. Woohoo what's there not to be excited about? However, the more rational side of me knew that this will and forever be temporary and that made me really sad. When I left in September, it didn't feel like I was moving out at all, but going back made me realise how I have in fact moved out. Having to tell people I live in Manchester now is one hell of a scary thing to say. I don't want to feel like a guest in my own home, ever. And when I got back, I tried really hard to avoid feeling like that. It worked, for a bit, but I'm leaving again in a couple of days, so in other words, I'll have to face reality one way or another.
Christmas. Where do I begin?
Right, so here's the thing. Every year in our family, we get loads and this is not bragging but LOADS of presents, it's like living in the North Pole with Santa, which was great up till when I was 12 then the thought of getting so many things I did not need was starting to become quite ridiculous. I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful person but sometimes I feel like there's other people out there who would appreciate having an extra watch more than I do. I get that Christmas is all about giving to people and I'm all for that. I get my closest friends and family loads of stuff and it's all great fun. But at times, when one is too generous, we tend to give expensive gifts to people who don't deserve that much of our time and money. And I felt that this year, for the first time, I was starting to ponder over who actually deserves a gift from me. I crossed out a few people from the list I initially had, sadly my budget was too small but even so.... Somehow I realised that this unfair world we live in, no matter how much you can love a person and want to shower them with gifts, they unfortunately don't love us back the same way. We have come to live in a society where love is conditional and calculative. As much as we hate to be part of this way of life, we kind of are. Learning to be selfish for ourselves and being selfish towards other people more or less go hand in hand. Sad to say so, but it is true. And to think that I need to evaluate who does and doesn't get gifts, is actually quite disappointing for a season that's all about giving.
On a brighter note, I had a great time having my friends over for Christmas dinner and a tipsy Karaoke session afterwards.
Now New Years. I won't go on about the "New Year, new me" bullshit because I don't think a person can change completely overnight. With that being said, I do believe there's room for improvement for everyone. And so it begins, the unattainable resolutions.
In the past, I have NEVER kept any of my resolutions. In my opinion, I think three quarter of the world population doesn't either. And for the quarter of you who does, good on you! I hope you lost all the weight in 2014 just so you can be fat for 2015. (no im kidding. i mean it sincerely, well done)
And the reason why we don't keep to those resolutions? Well, let's be real. We don't put any serious thought into new year resolutions. It's always recycling what we could not achieve in the last new year. And for most of us, our resolutions are so unrealistic. There was a year when I made so many resolutions, starting with "To lose weight" "Find boyfriend" and "Look smoking hot". Every single one of those was made irrationally, hence was clearly impossible. Maybe they are people out there who had the same resolutions as I did and kept to them (well done, you) but for me it was just too much to accomplish in one year.
365 days may seem like a decently long time but with all the hectic lives we're living, who actually has the time and energy to make these changes for themselves? Before you know it, we're face to face with 2016!
Therefore, this year, I only had one resolution. And that is to love more. Yeap, it's as simple as those two words but for someone like me, that's a challenge. While we were all reflecting over our mistakes in 2014, I realised I was too caught up in hatred and jealousy and as a result, pushed my own friends away. I did not lose them (thank god) but it was a close call. Before I moved to the UK, I thought that if I moved further away from home, I would be happier. It was stupid of me to think that happiness was something I had to search for when it wasn't. I'm still glad I moved to the UK though. It made me realise that the reason I was so unhappy and grumpy back home was because I was constantly hating and not loving enough. I hated the weather, hated my room, hated this and hated that. Only when I got here, I realised nothing changed, I was still hating on a lot of other things. It wasn't until one night, when I was hanging out with my roommates, laughing away and having a good time did I think to myself Hey I'm actually loving where I am right now.
Then it hit me that even back home, I had moments where I laughed and cried and cried out of laughter, but I never appreciated it, at all. I had even better company as well but I never saw it. And I felt so sorry for myself for having wasted all that time thinking only about the bad when there's so much good happening around me. (Goddammit kimmy!)
So that was how I came to this new year's resolution. In 2015, I am going to love more. I'm going to love whole-heartedly but at the same time only learn to love what deserves to be loved.
It's the 8th of January 2015 today, which means it has been almost a month since I blogged. Excuse me for the incredibly long entry but you're welcome. I'm glad I could help kill time for you too.
A little late now, but Happy New Year folks! Have an awesome 2015.
Love,
K.W
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
Appreciate What You Have Even If It's Not Gone
Humans, as perfect we like to think we are, we share a flaw and that is greed. We want so much of what we can and can't have. Greed drives us to do what we do every day, some say it's determination or passion. Whatever you think it is, I think we can all agree that greed to an extent is bad because it makes us selfish and self-centered.
(It's amusing how I speak of it as though I'm not part of this "human" category but let's be honest, at some point, we've said "I hate people/humans", and we never associated ourselves with it even though we make up part of it.)
Maybe you don't realise this often but when bad things happen, the first person we point fingers at is everyone else except ourselves. When things are going perfectly fine, the first person we are concerned with is again, ourselves. It's an appalling attitude because it shows how self-centered we are that we only always do things for our own benefit.
We've all had arguments with our parents at least a couple of times. And every time it gets heated, the things that we say become cruel and displeasing to the other. It's as though the thought wasn't processed in our brains before we said them. All this we do because we care so much for our ego, the constant need to prove ourselves right. And when it's all over, we'll tell our friends how much of a bitch he or she was, never once stopping to reflect or even consider how he or she might have felt about the mean things we said. We're so consumed by ourselves we become so ignorant towards other people's feelings.
When we're confronted by it, we pull that self-centered attitude again, saying things like "I can't believe she said this to me, why did she say that to me." Me, me, me, me everything. Obnoxious? Yes.
And even in the toughest of times, we don't realise how fortunate we are. While we're shouting at our mothers over something stupid, there is someone out there who has no mother to argue with. When we cry ourselves to sleep because we think our lives are falling apart, someone out there is crying themselves to sleep on a street. When we complain about how crap university classes are, how often do we realise that someone out there, with the equal brain capacity is digging through garbage to find food. All we care about is if we are being entertained enough in class, never realising that education IS a privilege not many people can afford.
I've studied in Singapore and I know the education system there is not exactly enjoyable but I've only just realised how lucky I am to have studied in a country where the government cares so much for their next generation and it's future.
We're constantly blabbering about how we don't like this or that or how shit our lives are, when someone out there is struggling everyday just to survive. And that's not even to have a comfortable house to live in, they are battling to keep their hearts beating as long as they can.
And if you're thinking to yourself that this does not concern you then you are a selfish human being. Because it does concern you, and learning to be grateful for what you have concerns everyone.
There are much bigger problems in this world and I'm not saying yours isn't one. But I hope you understand that by looking at what other people go through, it puts your problem into perspective. It's not always about you, and for once, please think for someone else as well.
If those living in a third-world country can wake up with a smile, I'm sure we are all privileged to do so much more.
Someone out there would do anything to be right where you are at this moment. But because you can't share it with them, at the very least, learn to appreciate its value more and more every day.
Love,
K.W
(It's amusing how I speak of it as though I'm not part of this "human" category but let's be honest, at some point, we've said "I hate people/humans", and we never associated ourselves with it even though we make up part of it.)
Maybe you don't realise this often but when bad things happen, the first person we point fingers at is everyone else except ourselves. When things are going perfectly fine, the first person we are concerned with is again, ourselves. It's an appalling attitude because it shows how self-centered we are that we only always do things for our own benefit.
We've all had arguments with our parents at least a couple of times. And every time it gets heated, the things that we say become cruel and displeasing to the other. It's as though the thought wasn't processed in our brains before we said them. All this we do because we care so much for our ego, the constant need to prove ourselves right. And when it's all over, we'll tell our friends how much of a bitch he or she was, never once stopping to reflect or even consider how he or she might have felt about the mean things we said. We're so consumed by ourselves we become so ignorant towards other people's feelings.
When we're confronted by it, we pull that self-centered attitude again, saying things like "I can't believe she said this to me, why did she say that to me." Me, me, me, me everything. Obnoxious? Yes.
And even in the toughest of times, we don't realise how fortunate we are. While we're shouting at our mothers over something stupid, there is someone out there who has no mother to argue with. When we cry ourselves to sleep because we think our lives are falling apart, someone out there is crying themselves to sleep on a street. When we complain about how crap university classes are, how often do we realise that someone out there, with the equal brain capacity is digging through garbage to find food. All we care about is if we are being entertained enough in class, never realising that education IS a privilege not many people can afford.
I've studied in Singapore and I know the education system there is not exactly enjoyable but I've only just realised how lucky I am to have studied in a country where the government cares so much for their next generation and it's future.
We're constantly blabbering about how we don't like this or that or how shit our lives are, when someone out there is struggling everyday just to survive. And that's not even to have a comfortable house to live in, they are battling to keep their hearts beating as long as they can.
And if you're thinking to yourself that this does not concern you then you are a selfish human being. Because it does concern you, and learning to be grateful for what you have concerns everyone.
There are much bigger problems in this world and I'm not saying yours isn't one. But I hope you understand that by looking at what other people go through, it puts your problem into perspective. It's not always about you, and for once, please think for someone else as well.
If those living in a third-world country can wake up with a smile, I'm sure we are all privileged to do so much more.
Someone out there would do anything to be right where you are at this moment. But because you can't share it with them, at the very least, learn to appreciate its value more and more every day.
Love,
K.W
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